A Long Walk

I went for a long walk that lasted more than a week. During my walk I stayed away from my computer, my cell phone, and anything else that would allow me to stay in contact with anyone. The only people I spoke with were people who were physically with me. At times I had no one around me. I found myself standing out in natural surroundings without any walls. I found myself facing something I could not seem to face after so many months of struggling to face it. I found myself facing me. I looked at my thoughts. I remembered what I had gone through. I thought about present, and I thought about future. I recalled two posts, one posted before I took my walk and one scheduled to post while I was on my walk. I realized something. It’s not me anymore. The man who had that fantasy was scarred and hurting, angry and bitter. In those negative emotions, he responded to a slight against him. He visited it in a fantasy world. In real life, he would never ever do something like what happened in that fantasy. But there was a world where he could visit and do something of that nature. There is a place where he could write it out and others could see it. Writing is my means of dealing with things that I struggle with in my life. It became that way when I shared my home with someone whom I could not openly speak with. I found a voice in the blogging world. That blog is now closed, and this blog came to exist shortly after that one closed. I do not have enough room or energy to describe what I went through in this post. I cannot describe what all I felt or all I thought. All I can say here for now is that I think I may have found a means to deal with the anger and bitterness I have been struggling with.